Friday, September 9, 2022

My Cousin Jerry


Some time ago I read, "God gives us memories so we may have roses in December." -- James M. Barrie. 
 You and I would have forced a get-together somehow. A football game usually, or dinner at your place—something. Telephone calls weren't great. Awkward. What went on between us wasn't built on words. It was time together – our times together. 
 A weekend in fall was such a time. 
 It's like you're waiting outside and I'm in the house, assuring my wife that we're going to be fine at the Pats’-Jets’ game; she looks on, skeptically. We sometimes weren't fine, but you know that. 
 I took my assigned job making sub sandwiches seriously, and you never failed to compliment. 
Long rides in the car added a richness, a presence that I did not grasp, but sensed mattered. I know now how much. We sat in silence or talked family and politics. 

Self-assured, we discussed behaviors and controls we hadn't a clue about. Our seats were usually in the nose-bleeds in the September sun. In October and November we basked in the gorgeous weather, or huddled in the wind, or soaked in the rain. The December cold left us chattering and loud with complaint. 

 You'd elbow me when your guys scored, or you’d mutter, "Heh, heh, heh," when my man dropped a pass. I pretended to ignore you, though my mind roiled. 

On the long walks from the stadium to the car when my guys lost (too frequently), you never needled me. You knew I disliked trash talk. When your guys lost (rarely) I smiled and you reminded me not to get my hopes up: "You're going nowhere this year. They'll break your heart!" 

 One year I could barely walk from the car to the stadium, but you slowed and we managed. Another time you rested too often so you might catch your breath and I worried, and waited. 

Still we went and didn't speak of impediments. 

 What I took from you over time was brotherly love, and more. We were chums. I knew it was your gift to me and mine to you. We didn't talk about that either. 

 Over the years since you left you return as palpably as ever each fall. But these days I can't touch the sensory of you -- the aromas, tastes, sights, presence -- like roses without fragrance. 

But the love's still there. Memory enables enough remembrance and you continue to own me, as though you never left, in autumn.

Wednesday, August 3, 2022

Rockaway Beach 1954


Rockaway Beach, NY -- 1954


I loved the look of the wet sand at the ocean’s edge when waves broke and spread like foaming maple syrup on French toast up the slight incline to dry sand and the feet of lazing sunbathers. And afterward as the water receded back to its source: the vast whole of the Atlantic. 

The crashing sounds of peaking waves as they broke, and their ensuing forces pulling my feet deep into sopping wet sand, the disappearing sand castles of yesterday's kids, children’s pails and shovels forgotten, to be tossed about in tidal changes, replaced in the water’s retreat by my sense even then as a small boy, that the ocean was primal; it would claim its own, and it would steal others’ no matter how exciting it appeared, or the outer waters' calm suggested otherwise. 

In those moments, I owned little, but a child's awareness and the thrill in anticipating diving into the next great breaker. 

Those Rockaway Beaches and the Atlantic Ocean taught me more on summer days than many formal classrooms have for decades since.

Thursday, December 31, 2020


2020 – My Take

 

The year ends tonight. Such an adventure. Stalked by Covid-19. A trip to NYC in March when ignorance, or denial, were bliss. Reliance on Zoom meetings recovery,  medical care and family get-togethers. A cancelled, (postponed),family reunion. The births of new family members. The awareness (existence) of family members we were unaware of until now—and them us. The deaths of those we loved. Graduations in virtual ceremonies. Living alone or in groups more hours and days than before—loneliness and altered boundaries. Work from home. Retirements. Lost jobs. Learning new ways to be, to do, and to let go. More prayer than before for some. More stress for just about all of us. Vacations with care, or stay at home holidays. Writing, reading, quilting, walking, running, bicycling, sleeping, learning, and sharing. Telling stories old and new and thanking God more than ever, or not. Giving more of ourselves. Accepting more help than we believed we could tolerate, or need. Changing minds around our certainties. Gaining and losing weight. Drinking more, or less alcohol. Social Media – OMG! Purchasing, selling, and building homes. Painting rooms. Fixing stairwells and this or that. Quarantining. Missing people and hugs with aching sorrow. Commemorating and burying our dead – Grief. Home schooling. Cursing politicians. Losing ourselves in streaming television series. Searching for ‘safe’ outdoor activities endlessly. Postponing and forgetting haircuts altogether. Ordering groceries for delivery from super markets and observing directional arrows in aisles (or not) when brave enough to food shop. Dying for specific dishes from favorite restaurants that we feared may prove light years away forever. Believing for moments, or days, that we were alone and discovering that we had legions of company. Trying to recall what life was really like before pandemic. Worrying what it would be after. Trusting more, or less. Making new friends continents away. Loving our little ones with special focus. Affirming love. Chasing the positive. Deepening intimacies. Pelotons, treadmills, Nordic Tracks, and myriad exercisers. Couches and comfy chairs we overused. Feeling overwhelmed by our differences and overjoyed at marvelous acts of loving kindness and generosity. Holding fast to friendships that we feared would fray. Letting others go. Seeing, and not. Believing, and not. Experiencing more days of standing at the precipice—some definition of abyss--than we ever thought possible.

 

And still we are here.

 

Please feel free to take a shot at your experiences of 2020. And I ask, no fighting.

 

You are love and you are loved.

 

Thank you.

 

 

Saturday, June 15, 2019






for Jessica H. Donohue Cuthbert

My Father

My father sat alone each morning, drew on a Chesterfield, drank instant coffee, placed a wet-tipped cigarette butt onto a gold church bazaar aluminum ashtray, spit a reedy sliver of tobacco toward the sink and, I believed, rolled thoughts of his life through his emerging awakening as he prepared for the day in the way he’d fashioned over so many mornings like this one. In the predawn, at the kitchen table, in his undershirt he seemed lost, and leaning toward an expectation of some sort he would never share with me. A smoke curl slowly rose and settled under a spongy light above him. His shoulders hunched, his thin body, too small for the largeness of his responsibilities, bent a bit at his waist. I imagined he wondered too deeply. I saw his sad eyes, and feared he wanted another experience, different from this one of us all, his charges. I was afraid. Then he moved toward the work of the day and everything in the world moved with him.
 

Saturday, July 28, 2018

Comforting Friends - From July, 2018 Issue The Scarlet Leaf Review

July 28, 2018



Pleased to announce that a short story of mine -- Comforting 
Friends -- appears in the July, 2018 issue of The Scarlet
Leaf Review. 

If you choose to give it a look I will be pleased. 

Check out other authors and fine poetry/fiction in the issue - 

The Scarlet Leaf Review contains excellent work. 
Here's a link to my piece. 

Thank you in advance for reading and feel free to comment.

Robert E. Donohue

Blueberries (not Gooseberries)

Saturday, July 28, 2018

Preparing breakfast yesterday morning I filled my arms with various jars, large containers or left-overs, and an immense section of watermelon from the refrigerator so that I could get at the yogurt lodged in the way back of the top shelf. In the process I toppled a box of blueberries onto the kitchen floor.

Ever do that?

The fruit package top popped and berries went everywhere. Newly ripe blueberries (especially cold ones) have a plump roundness - almost circular, ball-like, and possess a surprrising ability to get everywhere on an open kitchen floor surface kept clean of clutter and dust as the care-takers in our home insist be the case with ours.

Sweeping up hundreds of the berries introduced me to places I never knew existed in our kitchen.

I began sweeping, feeling like the effort was a boring chore and completed the work choosing to believe I was a Sweep Detective. Yup - Sweep Detective Bob. I investigated the whole of the kitchen - beneath appliances, in corners never seen - around baseboards that took on a curve and sweep that were nothing but artistic in their smart design and construction - and closets and doors built too far from the ground to block the round little lovelies I'd let loose.

The experience reminded me of early swimming lessons (getting thrown into the water -- Now Swim!), or better, early trash removal and disposal chores when I was a kid, which included cleaning the cat's litter pan in the days before commercial litter existed, dusting hard to reach furniture surfaces --- I was told then to "just get it done!"  Fortunately, my partner was instructed in such cases to "Make a game of it," and she passed this on to me.  I made a game of it.

Oh, instruction to refrigerator manufacturers of the 21st century: consider providing flexible guards along the base of your product that repel - with a slight flipping action - tiny objects that look to lodge themselves in the darkness at the base of your products.

Still, love blueberries.




Friday, June 1, 2018


Friday, 1st of June, 2018

We wake to thick fog that locks out views of the land across Dunmanus Bay and along the coast out to the nearby Atlantic. My first thought is that we’re here for the day, but there’s twenty feet or so of visibility, which is more than enough to drive the roads across Goat’s Pass to the Fair scheduled today in the nearby town, and I pray the limited visibility will dampen my brother’s penchant for driving at Monte Carlo speeds, and so we go.

In town we convert dollars to euros and take in the fair offerings – something midway between a flea market and an arts & crafts festival mixed with produce from local farmers, bakers and butchers, along with housewares, gadgets and more than a few used—book vendors. The tented sellers cover the town square and range up several of the narrow streets. I buy some fresh baked quiche and drop a euro or so into the plastic offering bin of an organization that provides wheelchairs to those who haven’t managed to get them and we move on.

We wander to one of my brother’s favorite shop alleyways and he introduces me to the proprietor of a butcher store who shares our surname (well, almost – the butcher’s has an extra “O”). The talk goes on for the length of an Irish casual greeting which always feels to me like it may last forever to me and my stomach growls and I feel the cranky possibility of all my seventy-four years. My bro notices my wavering civility and pushes us on to a café where we are told we’re sure to get  full Irish breakfast.

We’re served by a lovely woman from Spain, or Catalonia, and she recognizes we are Americans; when we ask for milk with our coffees she says, “Of course. Of Course” (and shrugs) and I wonder, how does she know? We sit and talk, laugh, and tell each other big stories like brothers do when they know the moments are special and times are never certain and so our talk goes on like an Irish casual greeting – it’s infectious.

After a long while, we’re told there’s no Irish sausage to be had at the café – My bro, as is his right, won’t have it and we prepare to pay for the coffees, (excellent, by the way) and the waitress apologizes and apologizes and the proprietor refuses our money and we leave the young woman a tip because the proprietor can be generous with his apologies, but we’re from working-class people and we know that a laborer offers precious time at a price and usually are laborers because that’s all they have to offer and we are loathe to leave her with nothing. My bro insists that we were listening when our parents were working-teaching, and he’s correct, or right, or touching an important truth. We press on.

The road to Gougane Barra is like all the others in West Cork we’ve chosen to drive. The countryside is rich with late spring life and animals (sheep, cattle, and property-protecting dogs) appear ready to wander off the land onto the roads everywhere along the way – a sheep actually does, frightening me and causing my bro to shout it back to the flock and he speeds on.

At the chapel and shrine of St. Finbar I’m awed by the ancient aspect of it all and the quiet that centuries of holy designation have brought it to. The site is preserved in something close to its sixth (? Not sure here) century condition. Eight caves cut into the land and framed with stone still exist.  Prayers in the original Celtic are everywhere. I go into one  of the monk’s caves to touch the walls, smell the odors, experience the heavy wool feel of the damp, and let my mind go back (which it simply cannot) to the time and minds of its dwellers. What conceivably could have gone on in such a place? How committed to either principle, or practices I can’t imagine might these people have lived? We visit the chapel; chat with a couple from Poland and very nearby who are dressed to the nines for a wedding about to occur at a close by venue. The man (woman and man couple) is a local and is dressing for the affair from the back seat of his car. His partner chats with us and tells us about their three children and the many miles they travelled to get here; how excited they were for time-away and how hopelessly she missed her children the moment they left. It’s always the way, we three console each other. Her partner shouts from the car – he’s locked in the back seat. “Child locks,” she laughs and runs off in her high heels to rescue him.

We move on to an afternoon rest and later dinner at a marvelous restaurant in Kilcrohane. Later we join good (and for me new) friends in Bantry for another sit and discussion. The night comes on cool and comfortable as we part and the road home seems less treacherous as my bro shoes to take a way that he knew would rattle me less – good man!

More tomorrow. Night.  


Sunday, September 18, 2016

My Cousin In Autumn

My Cousin

This morning I read, "God gives us memories so we may have roses in December." -- James M. Barrie.

We would have forced a get-together somehow. A football game usually, or dinner at your place -- something. Telephone calls weren't great. What went on between us wasn't built on words. It was time together.

Fall brings us back.

It's like you're waiting outside and I'm in the house, assuring my wife that we're going to be fine at the game as she looks on skeptically. We sometimes weren't, but you know that.

I took my assigned job making sub sandwiches seriously, and you never failed to compliment. The long rides in the car added rich presence that I did not grasp, but knew mattered. I know now how much. We sat in silence or talked family and politics. Self-assured, we discussed behaviors we hadn't a clue about.

Our seats were usually in the nose-bleeds in the September sun. In Ocotber and November we basked in the gorgeous weather, or huddled in the wind, or soaked in the rain. The December cold left us chattering and loud with complaint.

You'd elbow me when your guys scored, or mutter, "Heh, heh, heh," when my man dropped a pass. I pretended to ignore you as I roiled. On the long walks from the stadium to the car when my guys lost (often) you never needled me. You knew I loathed trash talk. When your guys lost (rarely) I smiled and you reminded me not to get my hopes up: "You're going nowhere this year. They'll break your heart!"
 
One year I could barely walk, but we went. Another time you rested too often so you might catch your breath and I worried. Still we went and didn't speak of impediments.

What I took from you over time was brotherly love, and more; we were boyhood chums. I knew it was your gift to me, as it was mine to you. We didn't talk about that either.

I'm convinced that you return each fall to remind me. But these days I can't touch the sensory experiences with you gone--the aromas, tastes, sights, presence -- like roses without scent. Love's still there. But memory enables enough remembrance as you continue to own me in autumn.




Friday, March 21, 2014

La Villa Pelizari

La Villa Pelizari

05 agosto 1525

Cicadas raising riot the previous day had gone quiet. Dry winds, rising from hills in the valley below, carried amber dust in their folds. The currents moaned like death rattles. Piero’s skin soaked the stillness.
He had been more than a week at the Pelizari villa as he stood in dry clay, worn to powder by hooves and carriage wheels. The dust covered his boots, seeping into seams and leather cracks to his feet. Dirt blew low to the ground across the villa courtyard, blanketing manure deposits and dried carcasses of small creatures.
He had seen no one at the villa for days. He was sick of the oppressive heat, and the silence. And as sick as he was of them, it was the insolence of the missing servants that angered him most.
A splinter break at a beam-post cracked the quiet. He watched a rat slouch toward the open well in the courtyard center.
He thought of the red-haired man in Rome, clutching his chest. He remembered the filthy air along the Tiber, the dust of onionskins rising from barge decks choking the fellow as he fell forward. How surprised he appeared—terrified—as he saw that his life was ending. He was all movement one moment, and then still, eyes wide, hushed, and dead.
The baths on the terrazzo will soothe, he thought. I’ll rest and decide what’s next. Perhaps Marino will return.  Maybe he’s taken the servants for provisions.
He climbed a flight of narrow steps at the outer wall, near the kitchen. Clearing chalk dust from his throat, he stopped at the entrance to his room, removed his breeches, tossed his blouse onto a chest, and moved onto the terrazzo.
A mountain spring gurgled from a cluster of overhanging bryony. The water tumbled into a sculpted culvert and collected in a terra cotta bowl, then spilled into a stone vessel that fed larger baths.
Easing under water, onto a wooden bench, he pressed his back against the marble and settled his buttocks on wood slats. An ache began at the base of his spine; it moved to his shoulders. As it increased, something deep stirred in him. Stretching his short legs to take in the heat, he tried willing it away.
He thought, where has Marino gone? I’m not to be left. He will hear from me. I’m owed. I kept the merchants in line. None of them dared hold back. The old man needs me; it’s time I collected. When he hears of Fregosi’s severed head father will realize. He will want the proceeds from the ships and payments from his other business fools in Lombardy. He will rely on me now—he has to—and if not . . . but I can’t kill him too. Not yet.
The ache softened. He lowered his face to the water and breathed a perfumed smell like heated amyris, or the fragrance of a brothel. He thought of the aromas of nights in Alexandria and Iskenderun.
Who was that odd little man on the morning near the monastery? Stench of piss about him. So eager to serve. Where does father find such dolts? No idea he was done. Had the Virgin interceded we would have killed hime.  Why wasn’t I rewarded? It was my work and father kept it all. I’m done with them; settled with Fregosi for sure.
He cupped his testicles, allowing the heat and his need to draw him into a trance. The steam rose to his beard, soaking the oily ends of its thick black hairs. His head dropped to his chest.

A single cry, the anguished howl of a far away dog, rose from the valley. The wail shook him. It broke the gentle murmur of the pool’s undulations on his skin. His neck muscles tightened.
He heard the noises of the carriage first—loud rattling—like chains aboard ship. He thought to hide, but realized that the sound was harness under strain and the slap of reins on a trotting team. Voices of men, carriage drivers, shouted at the horses to slow.
He raced to his room, picking up clothing, urging a foot inside a legging, leaning to fetch a blouse. He stumbled and fell, and sat to catch his breath. Tugging his breeches over his thighs, he placed his head into the shirt, letting the tails fall below his waist. As sweat and water beads stained his clothing, he flattened his soaked hair and thought, Marino must be back.
On the villa mezzanine, he gazed from the edge of a stucco wall, as Marino left the coach. The drivers were at work unhitching the team. The drays were kept in harness. He watched as the horses were led to a trough near the stable doors. They lowered their faces to a trough filled with mud brown liquid, and lapped.
“Piero, are you hiding?”  Marino called, his hands on his hips, glints of sun shining at the flat of his nose, his olive-skin appeared as though he had just woken from sleep.  Piero stepped from the middle roof overhang into the sun.
“I’m making due without your help. Where are my servants?”
“I brought them back to Pelizari. Left two days ago while you slept, brother.”
“Why did you take them?”
“To bring more efficient ones. I got rid of the others for your sake.”
The wet ends of his hair, pasted to the nape of Piero’s neck, irritated him. What trickery is he about?  He thought.
Marino smiled.
“Before we left, I told the idiots to be sure you had enough food and linen. You found these, didn’t you?”
Piero stared at the coach. Arched wooden spines, visible beneath the cover, hung loose, bulged outward, heaved in the warm wind. The wheels were rimmed in iron casings with gold painted spokes. The hubs were decorated with a coat of arms he did not recognize.
“This carriage isn’t meant for provisions,” Piero said.
“No, but there was space aboard for goods, and there is an additional servants’ cart arriving soon with the rest of what we decided you would need. We have not abandoned you, good friend.”
As he passed Marino, the Paduan reached to embrace him, but Piero pushed by. He heard murmurings, and a rustle of movement, within the coach.
 “I’m sorry we left you, but I received a message from Grigia late at night, from Pelizari. The package you insisted on was ready to be delivered and I saw a chance to freshen your provisions,” Marino protested.
“Why didn’t you tell me beforehand?”
“You were asleep. I thought it best not to disturb you and I knew that I would be back soon enough. I left a message near the hearth. You clearly did not find it. If you go there now you’ll see.”
He is lying. What is he up to?
“And I brought you a guest,” Marino added.

The nose appeared, sharp as a dagger. Piero saw the beak, before the man. Fingers like gryphon talons drew aside the carriage curtain. Head bowed, the Abbot’s cap perched precisely at the crown of his balding pate; his aspect was like an Apennine wolf among guileless lambs. Piero stepped back, fear roiling in him.
The liveryman laid a stepstool at the carriage footplate. The Abbot descended. He cast his eyes about the courtyard. Barely audible, he complimented a lush growth of azure gentian on the villa wall, above the portico. He looked everywhere but at his son. Piero’s back straightened.
“Does this place suit you, young man?” He asked. His gaze kept wandering.
Speechless, Piero felt his legs weaken.
“Are you comfortable?” The Abbot asked again.
“He wasn’t expecting your visit, Excellency,” Marino said. “He only now understands why he’s been alone. Perhaps we might . . .”
“I’m interested in Piero’s thoughts,” The Abbot said, staring into his son’s eyes.
“I’m comfortable enough,” Piero muttered.
His chest felt hollow. He had forgotten how menacing his father’s mien could be: cadaverous cheeks, hair thin lips and ferret-like ears, bristling with thick bush black hairs.
“Would your Excellency care to freshen?” Marino asked.
Piero stepped back.
“Why have you come here?” he braved.
“You’re too shrewd a young man. You’re not going to believe that I longed to see you.”
“What is your purpose?” Piero said again.
“In time, but for now we are ready to rest. Marino, have the servants follow with my things.”
His gaze tilted toward the plantings over the portico. The Abbot followed his aide to the villa. Piero stood, shoulders drooped, his arms slack by his sides. He wanted to scream. He wanted to throttle his father, and slit Marino’s throat, but both would have to wait.


A bell chimed in the great hall. The night had a cool feel, and for the first time since arriving Piero thought that the air might not suffocate him. Having discovered a new shirt and trousers, a pair of leather shoes, and a brocade cotton sash, among Pelizari’s clothes, he dressed for dinner. He draped a gold silk wrap about his neck, fastening it with a red-jeweled pin. He examined himself—his coat, leggings, and shoes.
The dining hall table was set for two. Hurrying to and from the kitchen, heads bowed, Servants carried plates and utensils from station nooks along the gray walls, their faces all but hidden.
As Piero entered, the Abbot nodded. Its juices oozing, a large roasted pig, dominated the center of a golden-oak table. Wine decanters rested at each setting. Piero sat, his hands placed palms down.
The subject of Fregosi is sure to come up, he thought. Father surely knows by now. His thigh muscles twitched like insects flitting about beneath his skin. 
“Son, why haven’t you contacted me?”
“I think the question is better asked of you.”
The stillness expanded. The Abbot stared at a cup of wine. He breathed deeply and lifted his face.
“What could have enraged you?”
“Loss of freedom on that piss bucket for one, and the demands, worthy of swine, that were made of me. I knew that there was to be no end to any of it. Reason enough, I thought.”
“But, Fregosi?”
“IT was he who imprisoned me and made it his business to see I stayed jailed. So long as he lived I was destined for that ship. I did nothing to deserve such treatment.  I decided to be free of him and wanted it done quickly. I wanted my freedom.”
“Your behavior in Genoa placed fortunes at risk. Fregosi rescued you from execution after the incident with that drab and her client in the streets. He could have seen that you were dealt with more harshly. He might have let you rot in a Genoese dungeon, or winked as they cut you into small pieces and tossed your remains to dogs. Why did you not you reach out to me?”
Piero glared at the Abbot. Reach out to him? Can he possibly believe me such a fool? He thought.
 “I was told you were busy. I was shown letters that made it clear you had no wish to hear anything about me.”
 “Were these in my hand?”
“Yes!”
“You were certain they hadn’t been forged? You did nothing to disabuse yourself of this notion?”
A doubt cut.  Piero’s throat dried, and his stomach churned. He thought of the day, as a young boy, when his father took him to St. Peter’s Basilica, allowing him to assist Mass at a side altar. He thought of the time in young manhood, when his father invited him to dinner with Bishops and Cardinals, at the Castel Sant’Angelo, before the Papal Coronation of Pius III. He remembered how the Abbott doted on him then and longed for the feel of that favor. He reached for a goblet, as the havoc he had wreaked since he left the Lamellina lost its surety. Lives wasted came alive. Images of the candle-lit face of his terrorized prey returned. 
The Abbot pushed back from the table, clasping his hands as if in prayer, closing his eyes. He shook his head.
“And what will you do now?” He asked.
“I mean to take what money you allow me and go north.”
“North to what—where?”
“Cologne, the Hapsburgs. I don’t care where. Just away!”
The Abbot brushed at his cassock, flecking specks of bread from its immaculate finish. His face formed a broad half-grin, as he set his wine aside.
“You must have papers,” he said. “Traveling with money and gems, you’re sure to be a target. Fregosi has friends and they’re furious. Word has spread to every ship leaving Genoa. You will be watched for everywhere in the Mediterranean and Adriatic.”
“I plan to keep clear of ports,” Piero said.
“Will you also keep clear of people who pass through ports? No, this is not acceptable. You will need protection. We have contacts in the north. We will see to it that you are safe. It is time you rested from your work.”
A door closed softly at the rear of the dining hall. The Abbot’s eyes shifted at the sound.
“We have brought you Pelizari’s jewels, and enough florins to keep you well. Whatever else you require you can send word. There is an estate near Vienna. An associate there has agreed to issue conducts—these will ensure your safe passage and protect you on his estates. You may take several of my guards with you. I am told that Austria will suit your tastes.”  
The Abbot motioned, as if to stand; Piero rose before him.
“I am grateful. I will . . .”
“Say nothing more. What I began is my responsibility to complete. I will not rest until you are conducted to places God wishes for you, my son. I’ve ignored you far too long.”
Piero stared at his father’s eyes, struck by their rheumy fullness and the dull white sclera surrounding his pupils.
The old man might have considered these measures years ago and lessened my burdens, he thought. Yet, this is better than nothing, and more generous than I expected.
A black shadow passed before him, flitting noiselessly as a granule of dust in the fluid of his eye.
He felt a blunt force at the small of his back that he knew as a knee. His body driven forward, a thin slice creased his neck. He choked for air, but none came. The blood pulsing at his temples slackened. His eyes pressed outward as though they might launch from his head. He flailed, his body shaking madly. He crooked an arm and reached behind, trying to strike at whoever had him in their grip.
Before him he saw the Abbot, unsmiling, staring at a place somewhere above. Piero’s body lifted from the floor; his back, braced flat against the feel of a man’s chest. Shrieks, like buzzards in a feeding frenzy at a fresh carcass, pierced his ears. Blood trickled and then flowed from his nose. It poured over his lips and into his mouth.
His father’s image wilted, absorbed in the shadowy surroundings. Semblances that had been clear thoughts only seconds earlier returned, massed in confusion.
He remembered the dead man on the barge: flared nostrils, thick red beard, eyes wide and vacant, stunned in disbelief, as his life ebbed. 





©  This manuscript is protected by International Copyright Law from reproduction or any other use by others without express permission of the author.

Saturday, November 16, 2013

A Writing Year


A Writing Year


November 1st proved a celebration of sorts for me.

Last year on that day I began a process of writing a novel that thirty-one days later resulted in completion of the first full novel draft I’ve ever completed.

I’ve been writing since age ten, but over that long period I’d not put together a coherent story of any substantial length or a collection of poetry that felt comfortably ready for a committed revision effort. This after countless writing work-shops, visits to various writing centers, on-line fiction courses, and successful completion of a three-year university level MFA program.

I’ve written a lot but haven’t brought anything I considered worthwhile to a point where I believed it was ready to polish for prime time.

All that changed on November 30, 2012 with the arrival of that First Draft of “my” Novel. Laying the keel for that manuscript began on November 1st when I participated in NaNoWriMo.

Here’s the link to NaNoWriMo for those who aren’t familiar and may wish to participate at some point. 


This year, on the eve of NaNoWriMo 2013, I was less fearful then last year and more aware of the writing muscle that was going to be required for the month. I knew that Id have to place myself each day in my writer’s chair and hit keys that tell a story. I’d have to set word targets and trust that as I wrote the story in my head would take form on the page.

Looking back over the year since my first NaNo effort it became clear why last year’s experience was so critical to my overall work as a writer. In explaining why that’s so it’s probably best to lay out the schedule of events—happenings that took place after November 31, 2012.

Mid-December 2012: I picked up my completed novel draft for the first full read-through I had deliberately avoided any back reading in November as the days progressed and the word count grew over the month. Each day when I reached my word count quota I left the work behind. I returned to my non-writing life and tried hard to forget the day’s experience. It took some doing and I wasn’t adept at detaching for about a week or longer, but once I learned, that sense of freedom and enthusiasm for the next days’ effort increased and was intoxicating.

The Mid-December read-through made clear that significant change needed to take place, but the manuscript had a story that I liked, and the story had a beginning, middle and an end. There was tension on the pages and the two main characters had won me over completely. The sense of a whole was real, and I felt proud.

Mid-January 2013 through Summer2013: At Grub Street Writing Center in Boston a colleague convinced me to play with another genre (I’m a fiction writer) for a break from the work of November and together we joined an Introduction to Screenwriting course. I chose to adapt my NaNo novel—such as it was then—as a course project.

The script results over the next 10 weeks (and a follow-up 10 weeks of Advanced Screenwriting) resulted in a burgeoning (read, very fat,) but incomplete script.

In mid-summer I spent two weeks in Western Mass at ‘the’ perfect Writers’ retreat in an atmosphere of quiet and monk-like living circumstances. Other writers nearby were as committed to completing works as I was, but social interactions were minimal. The countryside was lovely; silences had great quality and time passed slowly. I wrote, adding to the work of the two ten week screenwriting courses.

Following that experience I consulted with a Grub St. Counselor and received more input on the work. Additionally, several of my Grub St. colleagues gathered informally for several weeks to review and critique each other’s scripts.

The script, now waiting further revision, involves some cutting trimming. It is as whole today as is the novel draft. More important, my screenwriting work exposed flaws in character development in the story and saw the emergence of a powerful female character as a major force in the novel and the script.

During the year I had medical issues that resulted in a number of surgeries. Though the recovery periods cut into writing time with medications fogging my thinking and physical therapy aggravating my solitude-obsessed need, I did not lose hope that I’d get back to work. Eventually I returned to the screenplay and in addition I dusted off a short story I’d written years ago and that I’ve loved since.

In autumn my daughter married and though that event proved joyous, it was time consuming. The wedding couple and my spouse performed the lion’s share of the work required and I was able to write more than I expected.

In autumn I worked with an editor I respect and have total confidence in and I have revised that short story I love. The experience was rewarding and I’m confident that the revision and editing still waiting for me (after NaNo II) will result in a work I’ll be happy to share with others.

Today I’m immersed in my second NaNoWriMo experience. The experience has been as magical and time-consuming as last year’s. A story is taking shape where none existed on October 30th. Though it’s tough to say exactly where that story is in terms of completion I’m confident that I will have a first draft novel (again) on November 30 of this year.

So, as I look back, I see an amazing year of collaboration, of solitary writing experience, of writing milestones aimed at and reached, and a growing confidence in myself with the craft that I love.

I’ve had lots of help along the way –NaNoWriMo buddies, my colleagues and professional help at Grub St., Screenwriting formal (and informal) friends and colleagues, editors, guides, and amazing writer friends. My family has given me nice space and excused my absences as well.

I’m looking back at a year of writing accomplishments; had someone pointed out all that would occur since I sat down at that first NaNo blank page – how much I would grow – I  would have scratched my head in disbelief.

I’m grateful.

Keep writing!

ps: I’ve got to get back to my NaNoWriMo novel draft.





My Cousin Jerry

Some time ago I read, "God gives us memories so we may have roses in December." -- James M. Barrie.   You and I would have forced ...